Wisdom From Wicked Tuna

I was watching Wicked Tuna while I was running on the treadmill this afternoon and it really got me thinking....
God is a genius!  How He knew to use fishermen as some of the earliest leaders of the christian church...amazing!  There are so many great parallels between fishing and sharing the gospel.

Matthew 4:18-19
18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers--Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew--throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, "Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!"  

This is what I was thinking about watching Wicked Tuna.  When they were trying to catch a really big fish, they couldn't reel it in super-fast and tug like crazy on the fishing pole. If they did, the line would break and the fish would be lost.  Instead they had to reel a little bit at a time and tug gently once in a while.  Little by little the fish would get closer and closer to the boat until, eventually, it was close enough for someone else to grab it and bring it all the way into the boat.

I think this is how we are supposed to share our faith with others - little by little...a story of what God has done for us here...a little nudge with an invitation to come to church with us there....little by little, bringing them closer and closer.  The final work being completed by the Holy Spirit...He will bring them the rest of the way into the boat.

The other point I connected was that there had to be some action on the fisherman's part, or the fish would have either gotten away or it could have been eaten by a larger predator, like a shark.  The same goes for us.  We can't just sit back and do nothing either.  We have to share our experiences and the great love we have received from the Lord with others.  If we don't they will drift away and may even be 'eaten by sharks.'

Romans 10: 13-14
13 For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." 14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him?

I'm sure that there are many, many more parallels to be made.  But this is what I felt compelled to share.  

Bookmarks from July 2013

I think I will have to split July between several posts.  I bookmarked several Psalms and Proverbs!


Psalms 112:1-2 - Praise the Lord!  How joyful are those who fear the Lord and delight in obeying his commands.  Their children will be successful everywhere; an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.


Psalms 112:6-10 - Such people will not be overcome by evil.  Those who are righteous will be long remembered.  They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.  They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.  They share freely and give generously to those in need.  Their good deeds will be remembered forever.  They will have influence and honor.  The wicked will see this and be infuriated.  They will grind their teeth in anger; they will slink away, their hopes thwarted.


Psalms 118:8 - It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust people.


Psalms 119:65-72 - You have done many good things for me, Lord, just as you promised.  I believe in your commands; now teach me good judgment and knowledge.  I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word.  You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees.  Arrogant people smear me with  lies, but in truth I obey your commandments with all my heart.  Their hearts are dull and stupid, but I delight in your instructions.  My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.  Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.


Psalms 127:1-5 - Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.  Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.  It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.  Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.  Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands.  How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!  He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city.


Psalms 139:1-2 - O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.  You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.


Psalms 139:16 - You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.


Psalms 139:17-18, 23-24 - How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!  I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.


Psalms 143:10 - Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.  May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.


Proverbs 2:7-8 - He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.  He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.  He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.


Proverbs 3:3-4 - Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!  Tie them around your neck as a reminder.  Write them deep within your heart.  Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation.


Proverbs 6:16-19 - There are six things the Lord hates--no, seven things he detests:  haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.


Proverbs 9:7-8 - Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return.  Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt.  So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.  But correct the wise, and they will love you.


Proverbs 9:10 - Fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom.  Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment.


Proverbs 10:17 - People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray.


Proverbs 10:18 - Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool.


Proverbs 11:2 - Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.


Proverbs 12:1 - To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

Verses from June 2013

These are the verses that I bookmarked in June.

Job 9:32-35 - "God is not a mortal like me, so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial.  If only there were a mediator between us, someone who could bring us together.  The mediator could make God stop beating me, and I would no longer live in terror of his punishment.  Then I could speak to him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own strength."

Psalms 9:13-14 - Lord, have mercy on me.  See how my enemies torment me.  Snatch me back from the jaws of death.  Save me so I can praise you publicly at Jerusalem's gates, so I can rejoice that you have rescued me.

Psalms 13:1-6 - O Lord, how long will you forget me?  Forever?  How long will you look the other way?  How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?  Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!  Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.  Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"  Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.  But I trust in your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me.  I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

Psalms 15:1-5 - Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?  Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?  Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking truth from sincere hearts.  Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.  Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts.  Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent.  Such people will stand firm forever.

Psalms 37:23-24 - The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Psalms 57:17 - The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.  You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Psalms 62:5-8 - Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.  My victory and honor come from God alone.  He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.  O my people, trust in him at all times.  Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalms 66:16-20 - Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me.  For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke.  If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.  But God did listen!  He paid attention to my prayer.  Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me. 

Psalms 71:20-21 - You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.  You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again. 

Psalms 73:21-24 - Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.  I was so foolish and ignorant--I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.  Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

Psalms 75:7 - It is God alone who judges; he decides who will rise and who will fall.

Psalms 78:40-41 - Oh, how often they rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved his heart in that dry wasteland.  Again and again they tested God's patience and provoked the Holy One of Israel.

Psalms 84:11-12 - For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.  He gives us grace and glory.  The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.  O Lord of Heaven's Armies, what joy for those who trust in you.

Psalms 91:9-16 - If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home.  For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.  They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.  You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!  The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue and honor them.  I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation."

Psalms 94:12-13 - Joyful are those you discipline, Lord, those you teach with your instructions.  You give them relief from troubled times until a pit is dug to capture the wicked.

Psalms 94:15 - Judgment will again be founded on justice, and those with virtuous hearts will pursue it.

Big 2013 Goal Accomplished

So the biggest goal I gave myself last year was to read through the Bible. I did it.  I even got done with Revelation a few days early.  I gave myself this task because I had a lot of questions.  I could think of no better place to find the answers than God's living word.

So this year (not a goal, just something I want to do for myself) I want to type down all the bookmarks I made while reading through the Bible last year.  I think it will be interesting to see what verses struck me enough for me to bookmark them.

So here it goes:

I didn't bookmark anything in January and no verses until Leviticus (these are all NLT).

Leviticus 17:11 - for the life of the body is in its blood. I have given you the blood on the alter to purify you, making you right with the Lord.  It is the blood, given in exchange for a life, that makes purification possible.

Leviticus 19: 33-34 - "Do not take advantage of foreigners who live among you in your land.  Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself.  Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt.  I am the Lord your God."

Numbers 23:19 - God is not a man, so he does not lie.  He is not human, so he does not change his mind.  Has he ever spoken and failed to act?  Has he ever promised and not carried it through?

Deuteronomy 8:5 - Think about it:  Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.

Deuteronomy 8:11, 14 - "But that is the time to be careful!  Beware that in your plenty you do not forget the Lord your God and disobey his commands, regulations, and decrees that I am giving you today.  Do not become proud at that time and forget the Lord your God, who rescued you from slavery in the land of Egypt."

Deuteronomy 10: 12-13 - "And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you?  He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul.  And you must always obey the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good."

Deuteronomy 15:10 - Give generously to the poor, not grudgingly, for the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do.

Deuteronomy 22:5 - "A woman must not put on men's clothing, and a man must not wear women's clothing.  Anyone who does this is detestable in the sight of the Lord your God."

That was the end of February. And for some reason I didn't have any bookmarks again until June.  I guess that could have been due to the new baby or the fact that Kaylee was in the middle of her delayed intensification phase...maybe ;-)

Jeremiah's Birth Story

I had my weekly OBGYN appointment on Friday, March 1st.  I was seeing Dr. Williams that day.  The first thing she asked me was, "So, how long are you going to keep this baby in there?"  She's a pretty funny lady :)  I told her that I really was hoping he'd be born in the next couple of days.  The appointment continued and later on she asked how Kaylee was doing.  That's when I spoke up and shared with her why I was hoping that Jeremiah would be born that weekend.  It was because Kaylee was due to have a long day at Riley the following Monday with an 8 hour chemo infusion.  When I told Dr. Williams this, she frowned.  She then proceeded to tell me that she was the Dr. on call that weekend and if I wanted to, she could see if she could get me in for an induction the next morning.  I told her that I thought that was a good idea and she began the process.  Luckily the hospital (IU West) was not very busy that weekend and I was scheduled for an induction at 8:00 AM Saturday, March 2nd!  Of course there is never a guarantee that the induction will be successful, so there was still a chance that Jeremiah would not be born. 

So, Saturday morning, Ryan and I headed to the hospital and checked in to the maternity unit.  Our wonderful nurse was Jenn.  She asked me a bunch of questions and eventually we started the pitocin drip around 9:05.  I believe she started me off at 4 mL per minute and immediately my contractions were more regular (I had been having them since about 18-20 weeks in my pregnancy) at every 3 minutes.  Though they were not any stronger than I had been having.  Jenn came in every 1/2 hour to an hour to up my dosage of pitocin, eventually getting up to 8 mL per minute.  At 7 mL per minute my contractions basically stopped.  I was beginning to wonder if we were going to have a baby that day.  It was around 11:30-12:00 and I could tell that no progress had been made.  Jenn shared that she was also getting concerned.  However, once she upped my dosage to 8 mL I could definitely tell a difference.  My contractions had definitely gotten stronger...not so much more regular though.  So, as I had done several times that morning (and throughout my pregnancy) I got up to use the bathroom.  I did that because often times, a full bladder was the cause of increased contractions for me and I just wanted to see if I really was making progress.  As I was washing my hands I felt a pop and then there was a big gush of fluid hitting the bathroom floor.  My water broke!  I called out to Ryan to have him let Jenn know my water broke.  I had previously told her that I progress really quickly when my water is broken (never had it break on its own before) and that I would like to have an epidural before that happened. 
So, my water broke around 12:30.  I got my epidural, enduring several contractions while I was waiting for that, and Jenn checked my progress around 1 PM.  I was already at 8-9 cm (having been 3-4 when she checked me on admission).  I know for sure I went from 4 to almost 9 in half an hour!  I'm so glad she believed me when I told her I would be fast.  As my contractions continued, Jeremiah's heart beat would drop.  At times his heart rate was as low as mine, which is too low for a baby.  I was worried about him, for sure!  Jenn's best guess at the cause was the pressure of the contractions on his head as he was making his way down the birth canal.  I just knew I didn't like his heart rate dropping.  He eventually stabilized to my relief. 

Right as my water broke, Dr. Williams showed up at the hospital.  She had just enough time to get changed and check me around 1:30 and I was complete and ready to push.  We had Dr. Williams and 3 nurses in the room with us.  Jenn, of course, Mindy was ready to take care of Jeremiah, and Nicky, the surgical assistant, was ready to help collect the cord blood. 

I began pushing right around 1:30.  I must say that this was probably the most physically taxing delivery on me.  I would make a lot of progress with him, but then he would slip back.  I had to have oxygen between pushes and I was beginning to get really tired and I was beginning to doubt my ability to deliver him this way.  Everyone was really encouraging, but I was almost done. 

At about 1:45-1:50, I began to pray, "Lord, please help me have the strength to get this baby out."  And I prayed while I was pushing.  Three more contractions and Jeremiah was born!  The doctor even commented, "I don't know what you did those last three contractions, but it definitely made all the difference."  Jeremiah was born at 1:56 (or 1:57, or 1:58...there was some issues with the exact time) with his hand up by his face. 

He came out with a very pouty look on his face and then began crying...with a very strong cry.  Finally seeing him brought tears to my eyes.  They placed him on my chest and we looked into each others eyes.  I finally got to see and hold my baby boy!

The Perfect Example

Jesus is the perfect example of how we are to react to times of suffering. 

Matthew 26:36-44

³⁶ Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.” ³⁷ He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. ³⁸ He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

³⁹ He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

⁴⁰ Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? ⁴¹ Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!”

⁴² Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away^[a] unless I drink it, your will be done.” ⁴³ When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open.

⁴⁴ So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again.

Mark 14:32-36

³² They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” ³³ He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. ³⁴ He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

³⁵ He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. ³⁶ “Abba, Father,”^[a] he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Luke 22:39-44

³⁹ Then, accompanied by the disciples, Jesus left the upstairs room and went as usual to the Mount of Olives. ⁴⁰ There he told them, “Pray that you will not give in to temptation.”

⁴¹ He walked away, about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, ⁴² “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” ⁴³ Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. ⁴⁴ He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.

In these three books, you can see how Jesus felt about His upcoming task.  I have underlined the terms anguished, distressed, and deeply troubled. 
Anguish is defined as 'severe mental or physical pain or suffering' (dictionary.com)
Distress is defined as 'extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain' (dictionary.com)
In the passage from Luke you can see Jesus was so deeply troubled that he was reacting physically.  In both Matthew and Mark they quote Jesus saying that He was grieving to the point of death and He did not want to be left alone!

So, to me, from Jesus' example, when faced with a problem or some type of suffering it is ok to be afraid, sad, and confused (mental pain to me is confusion), to the point of being physically broken.  Have you had times when you were so sad or anxious that you were physically ill?  I know I have. 

But what are we to do besides instinctually react in these ways?  How do we feel better?  What did Jesus do?  First, he surrounded himself with friends (even though they fell asleep when they should have been supporting him, but that's another lesson).  And most importantly, He prayed and gave God control of the situation.  He asked that if it was at all possible, that God find some other way to accomplish His goal.  But that if there was no other way and that this was God's will He would obey.  Again, to me, this says that it is ok to pray for things to be different, for the suffering to be taken away, but we also need to be willing to endure any trial if it is God's will for our life. 

So to recap this point:  It's ok to be afraid when we're facing troubles.  Prayer and support through Godly friends is the most effective way to get through these rough times.  Most importantly, let God take control of every aspect of your life and follow His will.  The difficult times are the greatest times of growth!

This was the topic of one of my devotionals this morning.  The devotional from In Touch with Dr. Stanley.  Here is a quote from it:
"Let Jesus' Gethsemane experience be your example in times of trouble.  Our Savior trusted His Father fully and accepted His will.  Remember, the Father is in control.  He limits the length and intensity of the pain.  And, while He hurts to see His children suffer, He loves us enough to allow the difficulty.  There is a beautiful harvest of growth and purpose if we embrace His road for us."

 

Love Challenge

Valentine's Day; a day we set aside each year to show our loved ones how much we love them.  But is that where it should end?  Many complain that Valentine's Day has become so commercialized that it has lost its meaning...its specialness.  This year I'm going to challenge myself and I hope that many of you will too. 

The challenge:
Don't just show love to your loved ones or those who are 'easy' to love.  Love everyone especially those you find most difficult to love.  That could be someone in your family who has wronged you; a friend who has hurt you deeply; a stranger on the street; a cashier at the supermarket who has a bad attitude; a criminal; a political leader who you disagree with on every political point; the list goes on and on and on....
The reason for this challenge...God's word!  His Command!

Luke 10:25-28 NLT

25 One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?” 27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”


John 13:34-35 NLT

34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.  35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”


John 15:12 NLT

12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.

And how did Jesus show his love for us?  On the cross.  He gave his life so that we may live forever with Him!  That is the kind of love He wants us to show others.  Quite the challenge, right?

So, how do we do it?  How do we show others that we truly love them?  How do we love the unlovable the way that Christ loved everyone?  Look to God's Word for guidance:

Romans 15:7 NLT

7 Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

First: Accept each other. God created each one of us and He does not make mistakes. He has planned out our entire lives even before we were born.  Christ accepts us, faults and all.  We need to show others that same acceptance.

Galatians 6:2 NLT

2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Second:  Help each other.  If you see someone struggling, offer help.  It can be a physical struggle or an emotional struggle.  The help can be physical help if you are able or it can be as simple as diligently praying for that person in their struggles.  One thing I have learned over the last several months is that prayer is EXTREMELY powerful!

Ephesians 5:21 NLT

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Third:  There's that word in the Bible that causes many of us to cringe - Submit.  What exactly does it mean to submit?

Submit - to give or yield to the power or authority of another; to allow ones self be subjected to some kind of treatment; to defer to another's judgement, opinion, decision
(Definition taken from Dictionary.com)

And we are to submit to others out of reverence for Christ (which if you don't know or forgot, reverence is defined as a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe.  Also from Dictionary.com).

OK, this one is probably one of the toughest ones to put into action.  We all have our own opinions and our own way that we like to do things.  We need to put that aside and submit to the way that someone else would like to do things or submit to their way of thinking...ouch!  Pride can really get in the way of this one.  My opinion on how best to accomplish this is to be flexible and open-minded (and forgiving).  Do this out of awesome respect for Christ!  One more word that might help with this aspect:

Humility


1 Thessalonians 5:13 NLT

13 Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.

Finally:  This point follows the previous very well.  Show others respect and wholehearted love.  This will also, at times, take great humility on our part.  This verse reminds me of the Golden Rule.  And the word wholehearted in this verse shows that it shouldn't be a shallow love; a 'just on the surface' love.  Love with your whole heart and soul!  A very difficult challenge indeed!

So that is the challenge I am giving myself beginning this Valentine's Day.  I hope that many of you will join me in loving others.  Just think of how many lives would be touched if we all showed everyone wholehearted, lay my life down for you, accept you no matter what, help you in your time of need, submit to you even though I may disagree love. 

Update: Beginning the Delayed Intensification Phase

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you His peace at all times and in every situation.  The Lord be with you all.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Monday Kaylee begins her Delayed Intensification Phase.  This phase will last 8 weeks and will include several new chemotherapy drugs.  She will also have a couple of week long bursts of steroid treatments, but she should not have the severe side effects that she had when she took the steroids before. 
Tomorrow morning at 9AM, Kaylee goes to the outpatient clinic for IV Vincristine, IV Doxorubicin, and Intrathecal Methotrexate (given via spinal tap).  Monday evening she will begin her first burst of Dexamethasone (the steriod) with her second burst two weeks later.  Our hope is that the Doxorubicin does not give her the severe nausea that she had with the IV Methotrexate.  We are hoping for an easy transition into this intense phase, but we really don't know what to expect; how her body will react.  At the end of the week, she will be receiving a PEG Asparaginase shot.  This was the chemotherapy that they believe caused her to have the clot before.  Previously, her doctors had mentioned possibly beginning the Lovenox shots again as a preventative, but we don't know yet if that is what they will advise us to do.  I will try to find that out tomorrow.  Maybe they will just take the 'wait and see' approach since those shots were very painful for her.  She will continue to routinely go in for treatments on Mondays and should have a week off during the week of the 18th of February. 
On the 25th, her meds will change again.  She will again get Intrathecal Methotrexate, and two new IV chemos:  Cytarabine and Cyclophosphamide.  She will also begin taking the oral chemo Thioguanine that she will continue to the end of this phase.  During the week of the 25th and the week of March 4th, she is supposed to get the IV Cytarabine 4 days in a row beginning on Mondays. 

My due date is March 8th.  This coming Friday I will be having an ultrasound to check on Jeremiah's size (due to my gestational diabetes).  If he is on the large side, they may decide to set an induction date.  But my maintenance of my sugar levels has been really good, so I am not expecting an issue, unless he is just a big boy. 

Kaylee's doctors have told us to expect her to need to stay at the hospital at some point during this phase of treatment due to an illness of some sort.  I am hoping that Kaylee defies the odds and does not need to do this.  With the approach of Jeremiah's delivery in conjuction with this intense phase of treatment for her...the timing is not ideal.  But I am confident that whatever happens, God will see us through it.  As long as we depend on Him, things will work out for our good.  If we are faced with the most difficult situation, it will only make us stronger.  With the Lord on our side it will not break us as long as we make a conscious effort to lean on Him. 

On the outside it may look like this would be the worst time of our lives (mixed with the joy of new family member), but in actuality, it is a time of great spiritual growth for our family.  My hope and prayer is that through this trial we develop the strength and ability to grow spiritually even in our times of prosperity.  It is easier to lean on the Lord in times of trouble...when you are brought to your knees realizing you can't make it through a difficult situation on your own.  It is quite another thing to continue to give God complete control and to continue to be a witness for His unending faithfulness and grace when life is easy.  When you are not faced with trials and difficulties it is very easy to lose focus and to let the world get in the way of continuing to grow in the Lord and share what you learn with others.

So, the next several months will be full for us to say the least.  I thank all of you for your offers to help in many ways.  Asking for help is an area that I personally struggle with.  Perhaps that is one of the lessons I am learning through this.  What can I say...I am a DIY girl :O)  I know though that there are times coming in the very near future where I won't be able to do it myself (though I still may try).  Thank you in advance for stepping in and taking over for me...making me change that part of my personality!

I will post updates on how Kaylee is doing during her clinic visit tomorrow on Facebook.  Thank you again for your support and prayers.

Closing out 2012

I wanted to expand on the verse I ended with in my last post and relate it to my reflections on the past year and my hopes for the year to come.

1 Peter 1: 6-8 (NLT)
6 So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 
7 These trials will show you that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
8 You love Him even though you have never seen Him.  Though you do not see Him now, you trust Him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy.

I remember at the close of 2011 saying to Ryan that I expected, after everything we had been through the last few years, that 2012 was going to be a great year for us...we deserved it, after all.  Looking back at 2012 it would be easy to assume that the exact opposite was in fact true...that 2012 could be considered the worst yet.  I don't see it that way.  I see it as a year filled with too many blessings to count.  Am I crazy?  Many in our society would definitely think I need to get a psychological evaluation.  Who in their right mind would dare to say that a year in which their child was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness has been one of the best years in their lives?  Maybe a deeper look into the verses above will let you in on the inner workings of my mind and spirit. 

Verse 6
It starts off with the statement "be TRULY glad."  Don't just seem happy on the outside...be grateful and joyous on the inside, no matter what you are facing at the current time.  Why?  Look ahead.  Even though things may be tough at this point in time, it is temporary.  If you are truly saved, there is so much to look forward to.
(I use commentaries occasionally in my personal Bible studies and following is taken from "The Bible Knowledge Commentary")
A living hope results in a present joy.  Peter encouraged his readers to put their knowledge into practice.  Knowledge alone cannot produce the great joy of experiential security and freedom from fear in the face of persecution.  Meaning, we can study the Bible and go to church and gain tons of knowledge, but the best lessons are learned through experience and leaning on the Lord through the tough times.  That will strengthen our faith. 
Christians are responsible to respond in faith.  Faith turns sound doctrine into sound practice.  Faith acts on the content of theology (knowledge of the Word) and produces conduct that corresponds to that content.  Faith makes theological security experiential.  This kind of faith or living hope can enable believers to rejoice even when they are called on to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

Peter stressed that a Christian's joy is independent of their circumstances.

Verse 7
First off I notice the wording, "These trials will show you that your faith is genuine."  To me that means that when we face trials it is because we need to realize that our faith is real.  God already knows that we are truly faithful.  He doesn't use our difficulties to show Himself that we are faithful.  It is to prove to us that we have the strength to endure bad times if only we will trust and lean completely on Him.  I find that truly awe inspiring!
These various trials have two results:  (a) they refine or purify one's faith, and (b) trials prove the reality of one's faith.  Stress deepens and strengthens a Christian's faith and lets its reality be displayed (for all the world to see!).
Genuine faith is not only of ultimate value to its possessor, but it will also bring praise, glory and honor to the One whose name Christians bear.

Verse 8
Here is the climax of experiential joy that results from faith.  God accomplished salvation through the work of His Son Jesus Christ.  So the focus of a believer's faith is not on abstract knowledge but on the person of Christ.  Peter's warm heart overflowed as he spoke of the love and belief in Christ of those who, unlike himself, did not see Jesus when he walked on earth.  Though Christians do not now see Him, like Peter they love and believe in Him, and are also filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.  Even though we have never seen Him, we, as Christians, are to love Christ and who He is; what He has done for all humanity and what He continues to do for us every hour of every day.  It reminds me of the verses from James 2:18-19:  18 But someone will say, "you have faith; I have deeds."  Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.  19 You believe that there is one God.  Good!  Even the demons believe that--and shudder.  It is not enough to believe that Jesus existed and is the Son of God.  True faith involves a hunger/thirst for a deeper knowledge in the person of Jesus Christ.  It involves total dependence on the Lord in good times and in bad times.  But we don't need to prove our faith to God.  He knows us better than we know ourselves.  We show our faith by our actions.  Our acts of faith are for our personal benefit and for the benefit of others.  Without the Lord physically on the earth, how else are others supposed to learn about Him?

In conclusion, what are my hopes and dreams for 2013?  At this point, I am not afraid of anything that might happen to come my way.  One thing I have learned over the last year is that tough times are for my benefit and are awesome opportunities to bring glory to God.  My hope is that my loved ones, my friends, my acquaintances, and even complete strangers can see my faith in the Lord; that it exudes from everything that I do.  I also hope that everyone is drawn to the Lord and that they learn to find the joy that can come through complete dependence on Him in any circumstance.

Adversity

What is adversity in the first place?  Here is the definition of the word:  a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress; an unfortunate event or circumstance.
Here are some synonyms to the word adversity:  catastrophe, disaster, trouble, misery
So adversity is not something most people want in their lives.

Is my family currently facing adversity?  Absolutely.  But the amazing thing is I welcome the adversity.  In the last several weeks I have learned a lot about suffering.  When I was first fearing the worst with Kaylee's pale appearance, I would tearfully pray that God not let her be seriously ill.  In my opinion, our family had been through enough over the last several years.  All our trouble trying to move to Spain unsuccessfully.  Being separated from Ryan for many, many months.  Our struggles to add to our family...it seemed, at the time, that our list of struggles was already pretty long.  I honestly felt that our family deserved a break from trouble.  But wow, God has really been working on my heart and teaching me so many things in so many different ways in the last couple of months.  I just want to give you a little insight as to what I have learned.

In a nutshell, we're all going to have trouble in our lives.  What really matters is how we react to it and how we come out of it in the end.  I could be bitter and shake my fists at God saying, "Why are you letting all this awful stuff happen to our family!"  But instead, I choose to say, "Dear Lord, please show me your will and give me the strength to get through this.  Help me to learn the most that I can from this situation and let it bring me even closer to you." 

If you really think about it, when you do call out to God the most?  Is it when things are going great in your life and you don't have a care in the world?  Or do you find yourself praying more and conversing more and reading your Bible more when you are going through a tough time.  Also, can you relate more to people who seem to have an easy life with nothing ever going wrong?  Or do you find a kinship with others who are also facing difficult times.  When we are going through a painful situation, people are more likely to notice how we react to it.  A time of trial is a great opportunity to witness to others! 

Think about the apostle Paul.  He wrote many of the books in the New Testament from dire conditions.  Most of the time they were from prison.  And think about how he started out.  He was one of the most intense and effective persecutors of the new church.  But God chose him to be the one to teach us all how to live like Christ!  Here he speaks about a 'thorn' which scholars have never been able to figure out what he specifically meant by that, but it is some kind of affliction.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NLT)
7....So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. 8  Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9  Each time he said, "My  grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness."  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
10  That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

That is the attitude I am attempting to emulate.  One of awe, humbleness, and openness to what God is trying to teach me.  I am giving Him the control and casting all my fears and worries on Him. 

I have much more to write on the subject, especially since I just finished a book by Dr. Charles Stanley titled When Our Children Hurt.  But I am going to end with this tonight:
Why do I find pleasure in the adversity my family is facing?  Because God is trying to draw us closer to Him.  He is trying to refine us; to make us more like Christ.  He wants to use us to draw others closer to Him.
1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)
7  These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

The Treatment Plan

Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be in your rear guard.

On Kaylee's birthday we found out that she is in remission.  She could not have had better results from her bone marrow aspiration.  They found 0% minimal residual disease in her marrow.  So the induction phase of her treatment was successful.  She also had 'favorable' genetics, which means that her chromosomes are responding very well to the treatment and are the type that will actually help her treatment from here on out be effective.  So, she is still in the 'standard' (low) risk category and her prognosis is good.  At least 85% cure rate. 

So, you may be wondering, if she is in remission, why is she still getting treatment?  Well, with Leukemia being a disease of the blood, it is pretty much everywhere in the body.  So even though she had 0% MRD, she still has Leukemia cells in her body.  Blasts are baby cells that are supposed to mature and eventually die.  Everyone has them.  In a Leukemia patient, there is an overproduction of blasts and for some reason they stop maturing and dying.  From what I understand, the continuation of treatment is to kill remaining Leukemia cells in her body and to basically re-teach her blast cells how to mature and die.  That is why her cytogenetics test was important.  And why it was good that she was found favorable.  I'm not 100% sure about that, but that is my understanding at this point.  So, on to the treatment plan...

Kaylee is now in the Standard Consolidation phase.  This phase lasts for 4 weeks and we will go to the clinic every Monday.  She is now taking an oral chemotherapy drug called Mercaptopurine once a day.  Ryan has to give her this medicine because it is not safe for me to handle any chemo drug.  He even needs to wear gloves himself.  But she is taking this in pill form that Ryan cuts into quarters, so she takes 6 of those in the evenings.  Yesterday she got her single dose of Vincristine through her port.  She will not need that again during this phase.  She also got a spinal tap and a dose of Methotrexate into her spinal cavity.  She will have spinal taps and Methotrexate the next two Mondays.   Day 28 is the last day she has to take her oral chemo and the end of this phase (Sunday 11/25). 

Next is her first Standard Interim Maintenance phase.  This phase lasts 8 weeks and she only needs to visit the clinic every 10 days.  At each clinic visit, she will get a dose of Vincristine and a dose of Methotrexate; both through her port.  During her visit on day 31 (should be around 12/26) she will also get a spinal tap and a dose of Methotrexate in her spinal cavity.  This phase will last through January 6th give or take a few days.  Since it is every 10 days, some of those days fall on weekends, so the dates could be a bit off from here on out.  I will come back and edit as needed.

Beginning January 7th is the Standard Delayed Intensification phase.  This phase is also 8 weeks and I can see why it is named 'intense.'  She will begin taking Dexamethasone (her steroid) again, but only in bursts on days 1-7 (1/7-1/13) and 15-21 (1/21-1/27).  She will also go to the clinic on the first three Mondays for Vincristine, Doxorubicin (another chemotherapy) given through her port (January 7th, 14th, and 21st).  On days 4, 5, or 6 (Jan. 10, 11, or 12) , she will get shots into her muscle of PEG Asparaginase (a chemotherapy she has gotten once before through her port when we were in the hospital at diagnosis).  On day 29 (2/4) she will go to the clinic to get a dose of Cyclophosphamide (another chemotherapy) through her port.  Also beginning on day 29 she will get Cytarabine (yet another chemotherapy) through her port as well.  She will get this drug 4 days in a row on days 29-32 and then again on days 36-39.  Since this is the case, they may send a nurse to our house on the days following day 29 so we don't have to run to the clinic 4 days in a row for two weeks (2/4-2/14).  Also on day 29 she will begin taking a different oral chemotherapy called Thioquanine.  She will continue these until the end of the 8 weeks (2/17).  She will have spinal taps and intrathecal (spinal cavity) Methotrexate on days 1 and 29.  After this intense phase she will repeat the previous phase, the Standard Interim phase for the next 8 weeks which will take us to March 31st. 

On April 1st she will begin the Standard Maintenance phase.  This phase should be the easiest.  She will go to the clinic once every 4 weeks to get Vincristine into her port.  She will take her Dexamethasone (steroids) twice a day only 5 days each month.  She will take oral Methotrexate once per week.  She will take the oral chemo that she is taking this month, Mercaptopurine, once a day every day.  And finally she will get intrathecal Methotrexate and a spinal tap once every 12 weeks.  This phase lasts 12 weeks and just keeps repeating for 2 years.  The two year time period will not start until she begins her first Interim Maintenance phase on November 26th.  So, she should be completely done with treatment (barring any complications or relapses) November 26th, 2014!  But most of that time will be the Standard Maintenance phase, so it shouldn't be too bad.  I think she will also routinely have bone marrow aspirations, but we don't know of any specific dates at this time. 

She is supposed to also keep taking her Lovenox (blood thinner) for at least 6 weeks.  That takes us up to the last week of November.  They will do another ultrasound to see if the clot is gone and if it is she may get to stop taking the Lovenox.  But it is also possible that she will take it intermittently throughout her treatment.  It all depends.  But this is the plan...

Jeremiah 17:14
Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for YOU are the one I praise.

Malachi 4:2
But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays.  And you will go out and frolic like well fed calves.

We are still going strong, trusting God's will and faithfulness; trying to use this situation to bring Him glory; excited about the work He is doing in all of us through this trial!

Always Watching Over Us

I had a rough mental/emotional night last night.  As we were getting ready yesterday evening to take Kaylee out to dinner, she was just standing in the family room and her legs gave out and she fell down on her back.  She got really scared and was having trouble breathing.  I got her calmed down, but I also noticed that the swelling on her arm was as bad as it was this past Tuesday.  So, with the weak legs and increased swelling, I had Ryan put a call in to Riley.  They instructed us just to watch her and have her move around more during the day...that the shots of blood thinners she's getting can make her weak if she doesn't move around a lot.  They also said to watch her arm for increased swelling, discoloration, and heat.  Kaylee really wanted to get out of the house, so we took her out to dinner.  The whole situation was very frustrating to me and that night as we were going to sleep I kept asking why?  Why is Kaylee having to deal with this?  She is a really great kid who has a great way with others.  She is so good at making people smile and I miss her personality and energy that she had before her diagnosis.  I worried about her childhood being taken away from her...I was upset because she was supposed to have a week without any medication and now she's having to get shots twice a day...it was just a rough night of asking why.  I never doubted that God is in control of this situation or that He will help us through this...just why?

If there had ever been any doubt in my mind that God listens and cares about our pains, fears and doubts that was completely erased this morning.  I really like watching In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley.  I got up late, so I didn't catch this morning's whole episode, but I caught enough.  His topic today was "Wisdom for Life's Trials" and I'm going to be quoting a lot of what he said, so here is the link to give him the credit:  http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/this-week-on-tv/utm_source/itm/utm_medium/web/utm_campaign/home_top_slider

I immediately got the answer to why:  2 Corinthians 1:3-4
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Amazing!
Dr. Stanley also pointed out several sources of the trials that we go through.  They can be a result of poor decisions we have made, some can be caused by others, and sometimes painful things happen just because we live in a fallen world.  He goes on to explain that ever since creation was corrupted by sin, sorrow has been one of the many consequences.  And of course, some trials are brought on by the devil to make us question our faith.  And sometimes the trials are allowed or brought on by God as a result of decisions we've made that were out of His will, or because we are already obedient and God does not want us to be stagnant in our belief.  He always wants us to grow in our faith.  However, regardless of the source of our pain and suffering, God ALWAYS promises that good will come of it.  "As children of a sovereign God, we are never victims of our circumstances; our heavenly Father is in absolute control of everything that concerns us. With this in mind, trials should no longer be a source of anxiety or frustration for us because we understand they are His way of accomplishing His will in our lives."

Here are the other great points from his lecture:
"Understanding God's Purpose"

• To test our faith
• To test our devotion to Christ
• To purify us (Sometimes in stressful times our ugly sides can come out.  This can be a time to realize these flaws and ask God to help us correct them)
• To demonstrate His love
• To produce a Christ-like spirit in us
• To equip us (to help others)

He then goes on to give reasons to rejoice in trials:

• God controls their length and intensity
• The Father has specific purposes for everything we experience
• The Lord designed each challenge to meet a specific need in our lives
• God will cause our trials to produce good, positive results in us if we respond in obedience
• Through trials, God strengthens our faith
• Difficulties are our opportunities to demonstrate perserverance under pressure
• Through challenges, God develops Christ-like character within us
• The hardships we face help us measure our spiritual walk with God
• The Father will be with us through every situation to accomplish His good
• God will always help us overcome our circumstances if we trust Him

And finally his conclusion:

Hurt and pain are inevitable while we are here on this earth, but we can always choose how we respond to them. We can blame others, turn to drugs and alcohol for relief, and throw our hands up in frustration. Or we can respond in the right way and view our trials from God’s perspective. This helps us realize our difficulties are opportunities for spiritual growth. We know that life will not always be  easy, but because we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, He will see us through.

 

Thank you Lord!

Still Going Strong

Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Isaiah 40:31
but those whose hope is in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 46: 1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 28: 7-8
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and He helps me.  My heart leaps for joy and I with my song I praise Him.  The Lord is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His annointed one.

Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord Himself, is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation.


I just wanted to give a little update.  We are almost through the intense induction phase of Kaylee's leukemia treatment.  She has been doing extremely well.  She has had minimal side effects from the chemo.  Here are the side effects she has experienced:  swelling in her face and abdomen from the steroids, a few mouth sores, extreme hunger, low energy, petechiae (pinpoint bruising on her skin), high blood pressure, and she has just begun losing her hair over the last few days.  She is very self-conscious about her round face and belly.  She was feeling pretty good one day last week and I asked her if I could take a picture of her so people could see she was doing well.  She said no.  She doesn't want people to see how different she looks.  I have reassured her that her appearance is temporary.  She gets to stop taking her steroids this coming Thursday.  She will shrink back down as quickly as she got bigger. 

Her blood counts the last couple of weeks have been very good.  At our clinic visit yesterday, the doctor said she was pretty confident that her leukemia cells were gone.  But we won't know for sure until after her next bone marrow aspiration which is scheduled for Friday, October 19th at 10AM.  We will get the results from a special test that looks very deeply into all of her blood cells and checks for any small percentage of leukemia cells that could be hiding.  We had the amazing priviledge of speaking with the doctor who pushed this specialized test to be used at Riley.  She said that it had been used in Europe for years and she made sure that all her patients had the test done.  It makes their following stages of treatment much more personalized instead of just being grouped into a specific category.  This test shows how effective which types of treatment are specifically for Kaylee.  It's truly amazing!

But Kaylee is doing well.  She will get to spend 10 days during her birthday week without any treatments whatsoever.  So during her birthday week, she should be feeling really good!

Alexis is doing really well too.  She got invited to the Honors Chamber Orchestra at her intermediate school.  She just brought home straight A's on her report card.  She has a great group of friends.  She just finished up her first volleyball season where she improved so much over the season.  Now she is preparing to go on a family vacation with the Willman side to Club Med in Florida.  It's her first vacation without us, but I am sure she will have an awesome time.  We're all a little jealous she gets to go without us!

We also got to see our new little baby on October 5th.  Kaylee got to come along for the ultrasound.  We found out we are having a little boy!  We are getting close on a name...I think we've narrowed it down to a couple of choices.  We have decided that we are going to bank his cord blood because his stem cells would be the perfect thing to use should Kaylee have a relapse.  Just another instance where God's timing is perfect!  I will have another ultrasound on November 5th to check on a low-lying placenta.  It will most likely move up as I get bigger, but the worst case scenario is a C-section.  I am confident that things will be fine no matter the outcome on that.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, love and support.  We are continually amazed by all the love you all have shown to us.  It truly means so much to us!

God is in control...He is giving us strength!

Do Not Worry

Romans 8: 17-18
And since we are His children, we are His heirs.  In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory.  But if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering.  Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 Corinthians 13: 7
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

James 1: 2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance.  Let perserverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted alont a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

Jeremiah 29: 11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

I have a feeling that a lot of you are worried about us and how we are handling the situation of Kaylee's illness.  I want to assure you that you do not need to worry about us.  I will speak for myself in the rest of this post.  I do not want to assume that Ryan and Alexis feel the same way.

I have ABSOLUTE faith that God is in TOTAL control of this situation.  I am really more surprised than anything that God has the faith in me to handle this illness, a new baby and normal day to day things.  But when I think longer about it, I realize it's not really me getting us through all of these things, it is ONLY God.  He is giving me the strength to deal with this situation and how can I even doubt that I would be able to handle it with Him holding me up?

God has a perfect plan to get us through everything.  Even if the worst case scenario comes to be (not that that is what I expect or hope for) I know God will carry us through even that and we will all be much stronger because of it.  So that is not even worrying me. 

So, please, don't worry about us.  Worry only shows little faith that God is in control and is doing what is best in our lives.  Trust me, He ONLY does what is best...even if we cannot see it at the current time. 

Thank you for your continued prayer and support.  I am sure I will have weak times when I will doubt, but I am human.  But, most of the time I am able to find the joy in the situation.  I am more curious as to how God is using this to His glory.  Time will tell.
Love to you all!

God Speaks

Every morning while we are waiting for the bus, I read the girls a devotional.  Last Thursday was the day that I took Kaylee in to the Doctor, so it was just me and Alexis in the car.  I had already suspected that leukemia was a possibility.  You will just be absolutely amazed by what this devotional said.  It is from Wisdom from the Bible.

The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward part of the belly (Proverbs 20:30)

A woman noticed a large red patch on her leg where she had been stung by a bee.  Thinking little of it, she ignored the sting, until two days later her leg had swelled to twice its normal size and the red patch had begun to spread.  She went to the hospital, and they rushed her into an operating room, where the leg was pierced and the infection was drained from her leg.  The afflicted area was cut away, and the leg returned to normal within a few days, the wound healing within a few weeks.

Often, the only way to heal is to hurt.  Operations shock the body, but the corruption must be cut from the sore or no healing will occur at all.  The same is true of human beings in their relationship with God.  God demands purity, and all corruption will be cut away to insure wholeness.  There is no place for evil in the body of Christ.  If evil is found, drastic measures will taken, and like a cancer, it will be removed.  God will act as a skillful surgeon, cutting and putting back together again.  What will be left will be better than new, and the body of Christ will be healthy for all eternity.  Healing can occur no other way, but the Lord will be faithful to save as much as He possibly can. 

PRAYER:  Father, cut away all that is wrong in me.  Though it might hurt, I would rather be able to heal than to sit and die in my corruption.  Excise evil from my heart, and heal me in your tender love.  Amen.

Special Project

On the morning of July 2nd, the day after we got back from our month long vacation in Florida, we found out we are expecting our third child!  Even though we were extremely excited, we decided it would be best to wait to tell anyone, including the girls, about the new baby until after I had an appointment with my doctor.  I was able to schedule an appointment on July 13th.

July 13th finally came around...it was difficult not to tell the girls!  Ryan came to my appointment because I was also going to get an ultrasound.  During the ultrasound, the tech kept saying, "Man!  You are early, early, early!"  And below in the picture you can see why she said so...just a tiny speck:

The most amazing thing though was that we got to hear the heart beat!!  She determined that I was about 6 weeks and she said it was extremely rare to hear a heart beat that early...but we did.  God is amazing!

So we told the girls that night.  I think at first Alexis was a little upset...but that only lasted about 5 seconds.  Then we were bombarded with questions....they're so sweet.  Now they are both really excited about their new little brother/sister.  Kaylee says she wants to make video diaries for the baby and Alexis asked if she could write a blog for the baby.  So keep your eyes open for Alexis's new blog! 

Tomorrow, I begin my 12th week.  I have already had to go out and buy maternity clothes.  I'm pretty sure that's happened a lot earlier than with the girls.  I'm beginning to get over the morning sickness, which as typical for me has been just nausea mostly in the evenings except for the worst weeks.  Ryan was such a big help.  He cooked, he cleaned, he ran the girls to appointments, he went grocery shopping, he did absolutely everything!  I'm very, very blessed!  But since I've been feeling better I've been taking back over.

I also started exercising again.  Of course Crossfit is a little too intense for the pregnant set, but I've been using a sister site called Crossfit Mom.  They scale the exercises especially for pregnant and post-partum women.  My hope is that continuing to exercise will help keep my energy up during pregnancy and help me bounce back faster after delivery.  I will be 36 when this baby is born, but I think I'm in better shape now than when either of our other two kids were born.  Also, due to my "Advanced Maternal Age" as my Dr. put it, this baby is at higher risk for chromosomal defects.  So we opted to have a level 2 ultrasound done at a special clinic that will take a lot of measurements that might be markers for those defects.  I'll probably have that done in about a month.  We'll also get to find out the sex of the baby at that time...hopefully. 

We kept almost nothing from the girls' stash of baby things.  But I think that is fine because at this late stage a lot of the items are probably not considered safe any more.  Both Ryan and I think it will be nice this time around to actually be able to afford to buy whatever we need for the baby.  That being said, he says I can do all the buying without any input from him, ha!   I guess I've proven over the last 13 years that I have agreeable tastes. 

We thank God for blessing our lives with this miracle.  It was hard fought for and very hard to wait for.  But God's timing is perfect and in hindsight, that is very easy to see.  Don't give up on hope...have faith that God wants the best for you in your life.  One of my favorite verses over the last year plus has been Jeremiah 29:11:  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Outdoor Project: The Patio

We finally had our patio resealed!  We had CTI Custom Concrete come and grind off all the old orange stain and they resealed the aggregate, so now it's just as pretty as when we first had it poured.  On our smooth (original rectangular) concrete they sprayed a special surface to match the color of the aggregate and added a very nice brick colored border.  It is definitely an improvement!

Project Update - Office and Garage

So the office is practically completed.  I've had the room painted and furnished for about 6 months, but the french doors were just installed in June.

Now I just need to paint the doors and the office will be completely done. 

This past weekend, Ryan got the garage floor refinished.  It looks really good.  He did a great job.

Laundry Room - Complete

Well, we have the laundry room completed.  Below is the original list for the room:

Laundry Room - paint walls; touch up trim and doors; stack washer and dryer; install cabinets; install locker system; install ironing cabinet

Due to lack of space, I decided hang the ironing cabinet in our closet instead of the laundry room.  I think it will be much more convenient in there anyway.  I also haven't touched up the trim and doors yet because when I got out the trim paint we had left it was just a big chunk, ha!  But here are some pictures:

Our stacked washer and dryer

Tall Pantry Cabinet for storage



The Girls' Locker Area



Projects for 2012

This list is mostly for me.  I want to keep track of all the projects I want to work on over the next 12 months.  It will be nice to see what I can accomplish in a year's time.

1. Laundry Room - paint walls; touch up trim and doors; stack washer and dryer; install cabinets; install locker system; install ironing cabinet
2. Office - clean carpet; paint walls; touch up trim; install new blinds; buy and place office furniture; buy and place floor lamp and other lighting; install french doors; organize; add decorative elements (paintings, etc); buy and install wireless printer; buy desktop computer and monitor or laptop docking station
3. Living Room - clean carpet; paint walls; paint trim; install new blinds; buy and place furniture; tune piano; buy new lamps; add decorative elements
4. Foyer - paint walls; touch up trim and doors; buy and place furniture and decorative elements
5. Wood Floors - refinish
6. Dining Room - clean carpet; paint walls; add chair rail; install new blinds; buy new curtains; add decorative elements
7. Exercise Room - reprime ceiling and walls; paint ceiling and walls; finish out electrical; mount TV and U-verse; buy fan(s); dehumidifier and pipe run to drain; install french doors
8. Basement (general) - clean all drywall dust from ceiling, walls, and floor; reprime ceiling and walls; paint ceiling; finish out light fixtures
9. Garage - epoxy floors; install storage/cabinet system; install some blinds
10. Backyard - reseal/stain patio; finish north edge bed; finish bed next to house; install/build firepit
11. House exterior - buy and install new coach lights, front door lights, back door light, post light

I think that's it.  If I run out of things to do, I'll add the kitchen to the list.  I'm almost done with the laundry room.  I still have the ironing cabinet to install (it hasn't been delivered yet) and I still need to touch up the trim and doors.  The office project will be starting in the near future too since I already have the paint and the furniture is being delivered on Wednesday!  This list should keep me busy.  I may post pictures of the completed projects...maybe even before and after photos!